[Fic] luck is a cruel reminder (that the worst is yet to come)

[jayeinacross]

Fandom: Castle

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Mentions of torture, spoilers for episode 3x13 Knockdown.

Word count: c.1000

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine.

A/N: For my angst bingo prompt 'abduction/kidnapping'.

***

Kevin tries to tell him that it’s okay.

He tries to tell Javier that it wasn’t his fault, that it could have been either of them, that they were in it together.

That it doesn’t matter.

He’s so sincere and earnest that it only makes it worse. Kevin’s too kind to even consider that if he had been shot, it would have been because of Javier’s stupid, arrogant, smartass comment.

And it wouldn’t have stopped there.

Beckett had gotten there just in time to save Kevin from a bullet in his kneecap, and Javier had been tied to a chair three feet away, his big mouth the only reason that the gun was pointed at his partner in the first place.

The EMTs said that Kevin had been lucky that he’d gotten through it with only mild hypothermia. But the way Javier sees it, Kevin isn’t lucky. It could have been worse, but it was bad enough. Being held under ice water for minutes on end while his partner sat there, unable to do a damn thing about it, wasn’t lucky.

Kevin is off work for a for a while until he gets over the hypothermia, and Javier doesn’t answer Kevin’s phone calls, doesn’t go to see him once.

When Castle asks Javier how Kevin’s going halfway through the first week of his medical leave, he can’t hide the surprise on his face when Javier shrugs and says he doesn’t know. Because they always know. Him and Kevin, they’re not just work partners; they’re best friends, and they always know.

If Kevin’s got the flu and doesn’t show up for work one day, Javier’s the one who explains where he is. When Javier was at home with his neck injury, Kevin was the one that knew exactly how he was going.

Javier’s just grateful that Castle doesn’t say anything more about it, but he can tell that the writer starts watching him more closely. Beckett too, once she realizes that something’s not right, but he ignores their stares.

Kevin comes back a week later, when the others are halfway through a case. He still looks a little worse for wear, but insists that he’s fine.

“Hey, bro,” he says, sliding into his chair and smiling at Javier. “Get me up to speed?”

Javier does what he asks and tells him all the details of the case and where they’re up to right now, with not so much as a joke or taunt or a ‘Hey, how are you feeling because I have no idea because I’ve been ignoring all your calls for a week?’

Kevin’s smile falters a bit when he doesn’t get so much as a quirk of the lips in return, but he doesn’t say anything about it until they’re both sitting at their desks looking into a suspect’s records while Beckett and Castle are interviewing a witness.

“You know, if you had gotten down on your hands and knees and begged for them to drown you in that ice water, they still would have taken me.”

Javier just stares.

“It wasn’t your damn fault, Javi, and ignoring me isn’t exactly going to alleviate your guilt.” The look in Kevin’s bright blue eyes is the kind of anger that Kevin usually reserves for criminals, but with the pain of someone who’s been hurt by their closest friend behind it.

“Kev, I...I almost got you shot,” Javi croaks. “I said something, and I laughed, and it could have gotten you shot.”

“I don’t care,” Kevin says angrily. “Laughing made it bearable. Laughing reminded me that you were right there with me. My partner.”

Kevin stands abruptly and heads for the elevator right as Beckett and Castle finish their witness interview; the doors slide shut just as they reach where Javier’s still staring blankly after his partner.

“Where’d Ryan go?” Beckett asks.

“I don’t know,” Javier finds himself saying about Kevin for the second time in so many days.

Castle looks like he wants to start one of his dramatic storytellings about how Javier should run after Kevin and he’d have to beg for forgiveness, and Kevin, after resisting, would finally accept, and their relationship would be repaired and they’d all live happily ever after.

But Javier knows that none of it would be true. Castle wisely keeps his mouth shut, and Javier doesn’t follow Kevin.

Half an hour later, Javier realizes that he might regret that decision for the rest of his life.

None of them have any idea where Kevin was headed, only that he drove halfway across the city and was snatched outside a bar that’s nowhere near any of the places that they thought Kevin might go - his and Jenny’s place, the bar where they all have drinks sometimes after work, his regular coffee shop.

There were plenty of eyewitnesses, but the men were quick and efficient, professional, dangerous, and almost certainly involved in the case they were working at the moment.

Maybe once, Javier would have gotten angry, aggressive, kicked a few chairs and pushed the useless paperwork off his desk, but now he’s just numb.

This has happened before, and he swore it wouldn’t happen again. He promised himself that he wouldn’t let what happened with Ike happen with Kevin, but he has.

Eventually, they get a good lead, and they’re on their way as fast as they can to a seedy hotel room where Kevin might be held, but all Javier can think about is that the witness took too long to come forward, that they didn’t get that critical information soon enough--

He’s steadfastly ignoring Beckett’s suggestion that maybe he shouldn’t go in and strapping on his kevlar and hoping, hoping that they’re not too late--

And when he’s standing outside the door, his gun ready in his hand, waiting for the green light to go in, he can only pray that when he goes inside that room, Kevin will still be alive to hear him say sorry.