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Progress: Complete
Rating: PG
Pairing: Jason/Tim
Warnings: None
Word count: c. 950
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine.
A/N: For my angst bingo prompt, 'giving up'.
***
And he does, one weekend, when Tim’s in San Francisco with the Titans. He packs up all his things – there’s a lot of his junk strewn around Tim’s apartment, accumulated over two years, mixed in with all of Tim’s things – and cleans as he goes.
It was always Jason’s stuff that made the mess, and though Tim never really said anything outside of playful teasing, Jason knows he preferred everything to be neat and tidy. And when Jason is done, it is.
Just like when he first started staying with Tim. Eventually Jason’s stuff wormed its way into Tim’s ordered apartment, and for a while, it seemed to fit. He liked the way it looked, the way his clothes draped over the furniture actually made the apartment look lived in, and how his own books dumped unceremoniously on the coffee table and the kitchen bench contrasted with Tim’s alphabetized bookshelves.
But recently, everything’s just looked out of place. Now Jason’s things just make Tim’s pristine apartment look dirty.
They’ve always had to fight. Jason can’t imagine their relationship without the disagreements and the arguments, the shouting and the sniping, but now there’s just…
Nothing.
So Jason leaves. Leaves Tim’s apartment the way it was before Jason came into his life, neat and clean and empty, so suited to the way Tim’s been acting lately.
If they can’t fight anymore, it’s not worth it.
Tim won’t scold Jason for leaving his dirty dishes in the sink and never cleaning them, or for not doing the laundry, or for reading his notes or his files and not putting them back in the right order. Jason won’t argue with Tim about Tim needing a break, about working too hard.
Tim won’t fight Jason to make him understand that he doesn’t need to use excessive force, and Jason won’t fight Tim to make him realize that there are some things about him that can’t be fixed.
Even if Jason could salvage the pieces of their relationship, he’s not sure that he’d have it in him to try.
He gets out of Gotham. He’s not sure he could even face Tim right now. That’s why he left without a word, without a note, without a phone call. But he knows what would have happened.
Tim would have gotten home and known straight away that something was different. Jason’s jacket would have been missing from the hook, his keys wouldn’t have been on the table in the hall, and no matter how messy Jason can be, those two things are always there. The mild scent of Tim’s favourite cleaner would have still been lingering in the air, and Tim knows that Jason very rarely cleans. He’ll get further into the house and notice that all of Jason’s things are gone, and his own have been straightened up. Maybe he’ll check the answering machine, look for a note, but he won’t find one.
He wanders for a few months, until he returns to Gotham, and that’s where he sees Tim for the first time since he walked out.
“Jason,” Tim says, startled, when he comes across the older man wandering the streets of Gotham one evening, dressed in civvies. “What—what are you doing here?”
“I’ve been away for a while,” is all that Jason says.
Tim glances around, then motions for Jason to follow him. There’s a safehouse nearby, where nobody will see Red Robin talking to a civilian and make a link between the two of them.
“You’ve been away for four months, Jason.”
“Oh, so you noticed,” Jason replies lightly, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He doesn’t quite succeed.
Tim frowns. “I got home that Tuesday, and you weren’t there. All your things were gone.”
“You were supposed to be back on Sunday night.”
“I got held up.”
“With Superboy?” Tim is all of a sudden very still, and Jason smiles coldly at him. “I’m not stupid. Why do you think I left?”
“I think you left because you gave up on us.”
“There wasn’t much left to give up on by then.”
Jason wonders how they got here. He’s thought about it every day since he left Gotham four months ago, but he hadn’t realized what it was until now. Jason can tell by Tim’s stillness that he’s thinking before he speaks; he’s pausing cautiously before every reply. He knows that if he could see Tim’s face, it would be blank, the way it gets when he’s trying to hide something.
He knows Tim so well, and maybe that’s the real reason he left.
“I couldn’t stand watching you every day, knowing that every minute you were with me, you were wishing you were with him instead.”
Tim doesn’t say anything.
Jason appreciates Tim not trying to make any excuses, but at the same time, he resents that neither of them are trying even now.
Before he leaves, Jason has to ask one last question. “Did Cassie know, or did you have to tell her?”
“Does it matter?” is Tim’s only reply.
“I guess not,” Jason says, and walks out.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Jason/Tim
Warnings: None
Word count: c. 950
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine.
A/N: For my angst bingo prompt, 'giving up'.
***
Jason can only watch them fall apart for so long. Eventually, he has to walk away.
And he does, one weekend, when Tim’s in San Francisco with the Titans. He packs up all his things – there’s a lot of his junk strewn around Tim’s apartment, accumulated over two years, mixed in with all of Tim’s things – and cleans as he goes.
It was always Jason’s stuff that made the mess, and though Tim never really said anything outside of playful teasing, Jason knows he preferred everything to be neat and tidy. And when Jason is done, it is.
Just like when he first started staying with Tim. Eventually Jason’s stuff wormed its way into Tim’s ordered apartment, and for a while, it seemed to fit. He liked the way it looked, the way his clothes draped over the furniture actually made the apartment look lived in, and how his own books dumped unceremoniously on the coffee table and the kitchen bench contrasted with Tim’s alphabetized bookshelves.
But recently, everything’s just looked out of place. Now Jason’s things just make Tim’s pristine apartment look dirty.
Tim has been numb for months now. Their home isn’t a home anymore; it’s a place where they eat and sleep, and even then, it seems like it’s barely used. Jason’s mess and Tim’s organization don’t complement each other anymore, only highlight the distinction between them.
They’ve always had to fight. Jason can’t imagine their relationship without the disagreements and the arguments, the shouting and the sniping, but now there’s just…
Nothing.
So Jason leaves. Leaves Tim’s apartment the way it was before Jason came into his life, neat and clean and empty, so suited to the way Tim’s been acting lately.
If they can’t fight anymore, it’s not worth it.
Tim won’t scold Jason for leaving his dirty dishes in the sink and never cleaning them, or for not doing the laundry, or for reading his notes or his files and not putting them back in the right order. Jason won’t argue with Tim about Tim needing a break, about working too hard.
Tim won’t fight Jason to make him understand that he doesn’t need to use excessive force, and Jason won’t fight Tim to make him realize that there are some things about him that can’t be fixed.
Even if Jason could salvage the pieces of their relationship, he’s not sure that he’d have it in him to try.
He gets out of Gotham. He’s not sure he could even face Tim right now. That’s why he left without a word, without a note, without a phone call. But he knows what would have happened.
Tim would have gotten home and known straight away that something was different. Jason’s jacket would have been missing from the hook, his keys wouldn’t have been on the table in the hall, and no matter how messy Jason can be, those two things are always there. The mild scent of Tim’s favourite cleaner would have still been lingering in the air, and Tim knows that Jason very rarely cleans. He’ll get further into the house and notice that all of Jason’s things are gone, and his own have been straightened up. Maybe he’ll check the answering machine, look for a note, but he won’t find one.
What Jason doesn’t know is what happens afterwards. But he realizes soon that nothing happens.
He wanders for a few months, until he returns to Gotham, and that’s where he sees Tim for the first time since he walked out.
“Jason,” Tim says, startled, when he comes across the older man wandering the streets of Gotham one evening, dressed in civvies. “What—what are you doing here?”
“I’ve been away for a while,” is all that Jason says.
Tim glances around, then motions for Jason to follow him. There’s a safehouse nearby, where nobody will see Red Robin talking to a civilian and make a link between the two of them.
“You’ve been away for four months, Jason.”
“Oh, so you noticed,” Jason replies lightly, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He doesn’t quite succeed.
Tim frowns. “I got home that Tuesday, and you weren’t there. All your things were gone.”
“You were supposed to be back on Sunday night.”
“I got held up.”
“With Superboy?” Tim is all of a sudden very still, and Jason smiles coldly at him. “I’m not stupid. Why do you think I left?”
“I think you left because you gave up on us.”
“There wasn’t much left to give up on by then.”
Jason wonders how they got here. He’s thought about it every day since he left Gotham four months ago, but he hadn’t realized what it was until now. Jason can tell by Tim’s stillness that he’s thinking before he speaks; he’s pausing cautiously before every reply. He knows that if he could see Tim’s face, it would be blank, the way it gets when he’s trying to hide something.
He knows Tim so well, and maybe that’s the real reason he left.
“I couldn’t stand watching you every day, knowing that every minute you were with me, you were wishing you were with him instead.”
Tim doesn’t say anything.
Jason appreciates Tim not trying to make any excuses, but at the same time, he resents that neither of them are trying even now.
Before he leaves, Jason has to ask one last question. “Did Cassie know, or did you have to tell her?”
“Does it matter?” is Tim’s only reply.
“I guess not,” Jason says, and walks out.
